Last time we went to Costco they were out of charmin. “Now is my chance,” I thought “to switch my family to recycled!” I thought this was an amazing opportunity, certainly my family would rebel against the move if it weren’t a necessity as it is now. I put the recycled toilet paper in the bottom of the cart with glee.
Can I just say now how much I hate this toilet paper?
Can someone please explain to me why recycled toilet paper can’t be soft? Or absorbent? Or strong enough not to disintegrate upon coming in contact with anything moist? Is only virgin paper pulp capable of producing these qualities, or something? Or is it just that makers of recycled toilet paper assume that all environmentalists want to suffer for their cause, so they make sure the toilet paper feels like sandpaper (albeit fine grain) and falls apart so easily you might as well be wiping with your bare hand half the time?
I don’t get it. Maybe if I did, it would be easier to make the sacrifice, but if the answer is just “caring about the environment means giving up everything comfortable”, fuck that.
I know a few years ago environmentalists were up in arms about quilted, double ply toilet paper because it is wasteful, but the fact is that I used three squares per job of Charmin (4 squares for occasional, messier than usual jobs), and I’m easily using 20 squares per job with this recycled crap. Which one seems more wasteful now? And sometimes this toilet paper is straight up painful! Like many women who have carried and birthed large babies (both of mine were more than 9 lbs at birth), I have lingering issues that are incredibly irritated by being scrubbed with paper the same texture as newsprint multiple times a day. Sometimes, when this problem is especially irritated, I like to spray a little witch hazel on some toilet paper and wipe with that, but that’s impossible with this toilet paper, if I even think about spraying a liquid on this toilet paper, it dissolves into paper mâché in my hands.
Recycled toilet paper (which is recycled from other paper products, not from used toilet paper) should be a no brainer. It makes zero sense to be wiping our asses with virgin wood pulp. What incredible gluttony!! But no one is going to get on board with this kind of thing if it’s miserable. Now if I want to get my family using something greener than Charmin, I’m going to have to pitch the family cloth idea, and that is not going to to be an easy sell, let me tell you. More likely, our venture into recycled toilet paper will lead us right back to Charmin, unfortunately. Recycled toilet paper totally fails.